Discipline

Discipline is not incompatible with flexibility. Balance is possible. It is part of our nature.

Before talking about discipline, we first need to define what it means. To do that, I’ve chosen a few quotes that I loved reading and found inspiring. People such as Mother Teresa, Jim Rohn, the Dalai Lama and Stephen Covey, among others, have shared powerful reflections on the meaning of discipline. So, when I talk about discipline, this is what I mean:

“Discipline is man’s best friend, because it leads him to realise the deepest desires of his heart.” — Mother Teresa

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” — Jim Rohn

“True discipline is not imposed. It can only come from within ourselves.” — Dalai Lama

“Most people equate discipline with an absence of freedom. In fact, the opposite is true. Only disciplined people are truly free. The undisciplined are slaves.” — Stephen Covey

“A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering.” — Dalai Lama

For me, discipline is the collection of daily actions and habits that lead us towards what will make us happy in the long term. And when I talk about happiness, I mean serenity and peace of mind. Not instant pleasures that may eventually lead to an unhappy life. I mean feeling that we are in charge of our own lives, feeling fulfilled, at peace with ourselves and aligned with our deepest essence. The part of ourselves that only we can discover.

To do that, the first step is to define your goals and priorities honestly and realistically.

Decide to love yourself, because discipline isn’t about willpower, obligations or commands imposed by other people. It’s about self-love. It’s about deciding. About taking responsibility for your own life.

Love yourself first and, as a result, you’ll be able to commit to your goals and trust your abilities. When we love ourselves, we commit to ourselves and to our dreams. We trust what we do every day and surrender the outcome, because what makes us happy is the process of building something.

The excitement and enthusiasm we find in that process give meaning and purpose to our actions. They allow us to surrender to discomfort and live with the uncertainty of the outcome while continuing to move forward.

Because one thing is clear: most of what we need to do to achieve what will make us happy in the long term doesn’t provide immediate pleasure. And that is precisely why we often don’t feel like starting. We know it will be uncomfortable.

And that brings us to the second part.

Starting.

“To begin, begin.” — William Wordsworth

To begin, we have to stop thinking and start doing. Even when we’re afraid. As Mel Robbins explains in her book The 5 Second Rule, once we begin a task, something changes. Starting creates momentum.

That’s why we often say:

Courage to begin. Discipline to continue.

“Courage is the commitment to begin without any guarantee of success.” — Johann Wolfgang

“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both.” — Brené Brown

Action is preparation. Taking action in the direction we have chosen is already the right path, no matter how small that step may be. Being consistent with what we have defined as important to us is essential.

And this is where self-discipline comes in.

It isn’t only about disciplining our behaviour, but also our thoughts. Thoughts are incredibly powerful tools. They are influenced by what we put into our minds. So feeding our brain with ideas that inspire us and are aligned with what we want to achieve can help us develop thoughts that support our goals.

Thought and behaviour influence each other. What we think affects how we behave, and how we behave affects how we think.

Feed your mind with beliefs that help you grow rather than filling it with noise. Think in ways that support the person you want to become, and act in ways that reinforce those thoughts.

You know you’re moving in the right direction when your body and mind may be tired, but your spirit and your desire to continue are still strong. You feel good within yourself because you know you’re following the path of your heart rather than the demands of your ego.

How Can You Strengthen Your Discipline?

“I think self-discipline is something, it’s like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.” — Daniel Goldstein

1. HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF

Understanding how our brain works is essential if we want to understand our reactions and learn how to guide them in ways that help us.

Sometimes we feel guilty when we haven’t acted in accordance with our intentions and goals, or when we avoid doing something we know would be good for us.

Forgive yourself.

First, because research by Professor Timothy Pychyl has suggested that forgiving ourselves for procrastinating may make us less likely to procrastinate again.

And when I talk about procrastination here, I mean negative procrastination: avoiding the work we know we need to do to achieve what we want.

Positive procrastination, on the other hand, can be part of the creative process. Sometimes stepping away from what we’re working on allows us to gain perspective, generate new ideas and ultimately do better work.

Secondly, forgive yourself because procrastination is deeply human.

When we face something uncomfortable or unfamiliar, our brain can experience stress, and avoidance becomes an easy way of escaping that discomfort. We start looking for quick sources of reward and instant satisfaction: social media, junk food, drugs…

When we begin debating whether or not to do something, we create uncertainty. And uncertainty can trigger fear of the unknown. Our mind may then interpret what we are about to do as a threat and start producing all kinds of excuses to persuade us to stop.

That’s what happens.

It’s human.

Who actively wants to feel uncomfortable?

We naturally move towards pleasure. Nobody jumps out of bed every morning at five o’clock desperate to exercise. The bed feels amazing. Nobody is always excited to sit down and study when walking into the kitchen and eating half a bar of chocolate feels much more appealing.

The problem is that afterwards, we can feel bloody awful.

And then the cycle begins again.

Understanding that procrastination is a natural habit with underlying neurological mechanisms can be liberating. When we understand our brain, life becomes a little easier to navigate.

So sometimes the best thing we can do is accept our nature.

Because if we sit there endlessly thinking about whether or not to begin, we can become paralysed.

And one of the most effective ways out of thought is action.

2. TAKE ACTION

Movement changes our state and can help us see things more clearly. Once we move and take even a small step forward, we gain more information about what our next step needs to be.

Without action, there is no result.

We need what scientists call activation energy: the minimum amount of energy required to initiate a reaction.

That initial energy can feel much greater than the energy needed to keep going afterwards.

You have to move through that first uncomfortable feeling. Otherwise, your mind can trap you in thought and stop your body from moving.

But once you get through it, something changes.

We become a little like a rocket overcoming the Earth’s gravity: the launch requires enormous force, but once we are moving, the rest of the journey becomes easier.

And this is often the point when we begin to feel good.

Not the instant pleasure of distraction, but a deeper sense of wellbeing that lasts. When we realise that this feeling didn’t simply appear — that our own actions helped create it — we begin to feel more in control of our lives.

We feel capable.

We feel valuable.

And little by little, we build a stronger and more genuine sense of self-esteem.

We begin to feel good because of our discipline rather than because of the latest thing we bought or the sugar we consumed.

Stop searching. You already have what you need.

When something you want to do feels uncomfortable, surrender to that discomfort and take one action.

If I can give you one piece of advice, it’s this: waiting for motivation to fall from the sky is a battle you will probably lose.

Move towards your goals instead.

Joseph Jaworski has spent years exploring ideas around flow and synchronicity, relating them to the unfolding of a deeper creative order through our actions.

“When you trust the process and enter a state of collaborative consciousness, the Cosmos operates through itself, creating the difficult part of the plan.” — Raimon Samsó

God will provide.

As Jesus said to his disciples:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” — Gospel according to Matthew (Mt 7:7–11)

A FEW LITTLE TRICKS!

The 24-hour rule

Once you make a decision, take some form of action within 24 hours.

Action helps interrupt overthinking.

“On three!”

Remember that phrase we used as children?

“On three!”

It can work almost like a metacognitive technique: a simple way of interrupting thought and helping the brain move towards action.

When you move, your physiology changes, and your mind begins to follow.

Counting interrupts the mental loop — and with it, the excuses.

Don’t wait until you feel like it

As Mel Robbins explains in The 5 Second Rule, much of the time you simply won’t feel like doing the things that are good for you.

And that can be frustrating.

It is natural to choose what makes us feel good immediately. What we feel like doing is often the easiest option, the one that gives us instant pleasure.

But what feels good right now isn’t always aligned with what is good for us in the long term.

If you don’t act quickly and simply follow every impulse without questioning it, your mind can trap you.

“Discipline has enemies, and one of them is you.” — David Powning

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” — Horace

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” — Lao Tzu

“For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories.” — Plato

Sleep well and wake up properly

The way we wake up matters.

Repeatedly turning off the alarm and falling back asleep can leave us feeling groggy in the morning. When we drift back into sleep and wake again only a few minutes later, the brain may still be moving through the sleep process we have just restarted, making it harder to feel fully awake and alert.

So how we begin the morning can influence how we feel during the first part of our day.

Own your mornings

This is fundamental.

A huge turning point.

I believe that taking care of our body, our mind, our emotions and our spiritual side first thing in the morning should be a priority.

It also brings us into contact with something deeper within ourselves. This habit can guide us towards a life built around a purpose that excites us — something we consciously create day after day.

Sometimes, finding balance in a world of ever-growing demands can be difficult. We start functioning on autopilot, running around like headless chickens, forgetting what we actually need because we are so focused on fitting into whatever idea of “right” we have created in our minds — an idea that often has very little to do with who we really are, what we need or what we want.

Beginning the day by taking care of ourselves helps restore that balance and allows us to think more clearly.

It helps us remember what matters.

What is essential.

What is human.

Ultimately: PEACE.

I love this habit because it helps us focus on what matters from the moment we wake up. It allows us to take responsibility for our own lives instead of immediately handing our attention over to external forces and allowing other stimuli to interfere with our intentions.

Everything that pulls you away from what truly matters to you is noise.

Setting our intentions in the morning makes a difference.

And by the way, a freezing cold shower can feel bloody amazing. ;)

Plan your day

Research by Dr Gail Matthews has explored the relationship between writing down our goals and actually achieving them.

Putting your intentions on paper gives them form.

It makes them visible.

And it reminds you where you have chosen to go.

Control your distractions

You have to decide that your goals matter more than the email, the phone or the endless stream of notifications.

Some distractions — particularly social media — are deliberately difficult to put down.

Moving your phone away from you or putting it on silent can work in your favour.

I’m not saying we should disconnect from the world. But we do need boundaries around technology.

You can return calls once you’ve finished what you’re doing. You can use social media for a limited amount of time.

The point is simple:

you should use social media, rather than allowing social media to use you.

Clutter can also be a huge distraction.

Order can bring a sense of mental calm. Letting go of things we don’t need can contribute to greater clarity.

Simplify and automate

Simplifying everyday decisions — what food to buy, what to cook, what clothes to wear — can save us both time and mental energy.

Ultimately, it is up to you to distinguish between what matters and what is superficial.

Each of us has our own priorities, needs and goals. They are all legitimate as long as they do not harm anyone.

What matters is defining them honestly and acting accordingly.

Build habits that contribute to what matters most to you, and live the life you deserve with love.

We are love. We deserve love.

Stop searching.

Everything you need is already within you.

I’m talking about discipline as a path to freedom. The mother of happiness. The kind that embraces your worth and leads you towards your dreams. The kind that understands your fears and knows your vulnerabilities intimately, but still refuses to let go of your hand.

It won’t lie to you.

Discipline won’t tell you that what lies ahead will be easy. But it will stay beside you and give you the courage to surrender to discomfort, to live with the uncertainty of the outcome and to keep moving forward.

It will give you confidence and, whatever happens, a lasting sense of satisfaction, fulfilment and serenity.

In the end, what matters is the process of building.

The now.

So stop thinking and act before your mind finds another reason to be afraid and freezes you in place.

Be like a rocket breaking free from the Earth’s gravity.

Move.

The rest becomes easier.

Starting is the difficult part.

So stop thinking and do.

Because everything you need is already there:

Self-love.

Love yourself and forgive yourself for avoiding the work you know you need to do to achieve what you want.

Procrastination is human.

When we do something uncomfortable, our brain experiences stress, and procrastination can become a natural response to that discomfort. We begin looking for quick sources of dopamine and immediate relief — chocolate, drugs, social media…

That’s what happens.

It’s normal.

Who wants to feel bad?

We naturally seek pleasure. Nobody particularly wants to get up at five in the morning to exercise. Staying in bed is far more appealing. So is getting up and having a cigarette, eating a bowl of sugary cereal or reaching for whatever gives us an immediate hit of comfort.

We know those habits may not be helping us.

But getting up and exercising, sitting down to study something we want to learn, or doing the difficult thing instead of walking to the fridge for chocolate can feel deeply uncomfortable.

And so we hesitate.

The moment we begin debating whether or not to do something, uncertainty appears. And uncertainty can activate fear of the unknown.

Our mind tries to protect us. It gives us excuses — sometimes very convincing ones — to stop us from doing the thing we had decided to do.

Mel Robbins explains this idea in The 5 Second Rule.

In short:

Move, or your mind will stop you.

If you try to sit there fighting endlessly against that reaction, you’ll probably lose.

And if you wait for motivation and enthusiasm to descend from the heavens like the Virgin Mary, you’ll probably lose too.

The thing that changes the situation is ACTION.

Once you act and move through that initial discomfort, everything becomes easier.

When we move forward, even slightly, we gain more information about what our next step should be.

We are like rockets.

We need that initial activation energy.

After that, things begin to move.

Synchronicity starts to appear, and you begin to realise that you don’t need to keep searching outside yourself.

Because you already have what you need.

The self-love awakened through discipline reminds you that you have the power to create greater happiness and harmony in your own life.

To create a lasting sense of wellbeing through what you are willing to do for yourself.

Feeling capable of mastering yourself is one of the greatest victories.

It reminds you of your own value, of the impact you are capable of having on yourself and, as a consequence, on everything around you.

When you recognise your own value, you help others recognise theirs too.